


Where is home?

by SpicyBiscuit



Category: Prisoners (2013)
Genre: Abuse, Alex deserved better, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Dissociation, During Canon, Gen, Kidnapping, Past Child Abuse, Paul Dano - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyBiscuit/pseuds/SpicyBiscuit
Summary: Something about the pain felt familiar to Alex. The blows to his face, the screaming, the fear, even down to the cold tiles beneath him. He was a prisoner once again, and he just wanted to go home. But where was home really?
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	Where is home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentioned past child abuse, current abuse for this chapter. If there needs to be any more please tell me

Alex remembered the event clear as day. It wasn't something he could just forget, how could he? He remembered the cold air nipping his face as he ran outside crying, the sting of a slap burning against his cheek. He remembered the Christian hymn playing on the radio as he aimlessly drove around not wanting to go back home. He remembered being woken from his nap by two young girls, who he later invited in for company. And he remembered the dread he felt when his Aunt called and told him to bring them to her. 

Alex only wanted to play, only wanted company on Thanksgiving, far away from her. But now he had lead two young girls into the centre of the web, and he feared they wouldn't make it out. He spent as much time as he could with them, silently begging his aunt not to hurt them like she hurt the other kids that came and went. They played with his toy cars and stuffed animals he kept in his room, and coloured in a picture, but when Holly brought them a cup of 'juice', he knew it was too late. 

"Please...please let me take them back" No more. He couldn't bear it! There were tears in his eyes as he attempted to keep eye contact, but couldn't hold it more than a few seconds out of discomfort. _Don't back down. Don't let her hurt them._

"Go to your room and don't come out" Her voice was warm on the outside, but Alex could hear the coldness underneath that pierced him as she loomed in the door way. It was the tone of disappointment, once he often heard before a punishment. 

"Please auntie" 

The two girls had stopped playing by now, though Alex couldn't tell if they were feeling the effects of the drug or had realised they weren't going back home. Tears burned in his eyes as he stared at the floor. But Holly wouldn't listen.

"Alex" she started in a stern voice that only meant _get out here now before I give you something to cry about_. Helplessly, Alex couldn't stop himself from complying, terrified of what would happen if he didn't. He pushed too hard, if he refused then he would be punished for it. He remembered looking back at the girls as he reached the doorway and the pain he felt as he saw them cry. _Don't go. Don't leave. Why did you bring us here?_

The next half an hour was a blur, but Alex knew he had fled the house as soon as Holly walked into the room and shut the door behind her. It wasn't clear to him how long he drove, or how he even ended up at the rest stop. All he remembered was staring at the forest line, gripping the wheel until his knuckles went white, then let out a loud anguished scream as he burst into tears. 

It wasn't his fault. At least, he hadn't meant for it to happen. No, he was always going to drop them back where he found them, it wasn't meant to be like this! He didn't want to hurt anyone, why did she make him do it? Why was he so afraid of the punishment that he would endanger the lives of two young girls to avoid it? Not all the children his aunt abducted made it out...some she made him help with burying in the woods by their house. However, even those who were lucky enough to live were never the same. They were distant...traumatised, not as a child should be. 

Time ticked on, and Alex didn't move from the spot, nor did he turn the engine off. He just sat listening to the rain hammering down onto the RV and the faint rumble of the engine until it all faded into a distant echo. Everything seemed to halt and blur, moving just slightly too slow for comfort, and Alex wasn't really sure if he had just fallen asleep. It wasn't the first time it had happened, but surely wouldn't be his last. After a few minutes (or maybe it was an hour?) Alex began to regain his surroundings ever so slowly, when he started to hear a weird sound in the distance accompanied by a blurry blue in his side mirror. But by the time he realised what was happening, he knew he was in deep irreversible trouble. It was the police. 

If they were here looking for him...could that mean that Holly had blamed the kidnapping on him? No, she wouldn't do that. At least, he had hoped so.

In the reflection of the mirror, he saw several men walking towards him with a flashlight, yelling things at each other. Alex bit his lip in panic and looked to his right, where he saw more men approaching, and several more police cars pulling into the station. His heart clenched as he put his foot down on the pedals, and put the RV into reverse. Panic setting in, Alex began to quickly reverse, swerving dangerously as he tried to find an exit, and could only find one between two cars. He accelerated forwards towards the gap, before one of the cars shot forwards to block it off and Alex swerved away to avoid a crash, but this only made him crash straight into the trees. 

He had managed to throw himself out the way before the branch pierced through the window, and immediately hid up in his little bed above the drivers seat. The curtains were drawn, and even though he knew it wouldn't hide him he just wanted to believe it could make him disappear. The door opened, and Alex watched a light search the vehicle drawing closer and closer.

"Hey. Hey I see you in there, show me your hands right now. Hey! I see you in there, show me your hands!" As the man raised his voice, Alex felt himself grow more and more terrified. He complied, slowly and shakily moving his hand. 

"Both hands right now!" The officer yelled again, and Alex shakily moved his other hand towards the gap of the curtains, "That's it, slow, slow, slow- slowly! Both hands! Both fucking hands!" 

Once both his hands were outside of the curtain, he felt the man grab onto him and pull him off the ledge, earning a frightened yelp as Alex fell onto the floor. The man, who looked more like a detective, shoved him onto his stomach and cuffed his hands behind his back, before dragging him onto his feet and shoving him towards the door. The detective dragged him around the RV and shoved him towards the forest, ignoring Alex's screams and struggles to get away. They probably thought he was doing it out of guilt, but Alex couldn't stand being touched, especially by strangers. And especially men. 

He fell over, but was forced back onto his feet and shoved once again towards the tree line, this time the man let go and began yelling again. "Where are those girls? Show me where you put those girls! Where are those girls? Where are those girls?"

Alex's heart stopped upon hearing the words and he slowly began to turn around to look at the officers, eyes wide in panic and helplessness. His breathing was staggered as he tried to calm himself down, but the more they yelled and shone light in his eyes, the more he realised he was in serious trouble. 

"Sir, tell us where you put those girls? In the woods? Did you put them in the woods?"

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Upon confrontation and fear, Alex just shut down. It was hard for him to communicate when that happened. 

"The fuck is this guy on?"

"Naw, he's high or something" 

"Get him in the car and try to sober him up" 

Without warning, he was grabbed again and shoved back towards one of the police cars. 

The same detective who arrested him stood inches from his face, boxing him back against the corner of the room as he asked him questions. He was far too close, and Alex was having a hard time coping as the man seemed to get closer and closer. Alex didn't like being touched by strangers, and sometimes not even by his aunt. But men scared him the most, especially men who shouted and weren't above getting violent. 

"Were these girls playing on your RV?"

"No...I didn't see them" 

"Do you recognise these girls? 

"I didn't see them, may I sit down?" 

"What do you do in your RV? Answer my questions" 

"Hm...sleep..." 

"You were sleeping out there? In the day? Why was the RV parked outside the house? 

"Mmm....I went for a drive...?" 

"You went for a drive? You weren't driving. We know for a fact those girls were playing outside your RV, you weren't driving. It was parked" The detective leant in closer, and Alex pushed himself further against the wall glancing away. It felt like the man knew he was guilty, "Was it a special day? Were you planning on taking two little girls?"

"No..." How could he ask that? Why did everyone think he was a monster?

"Have you done this before?"

"No...!" He had. In some way he had helped Holly in her war against God, even if it was just him sometimes asked to keep the kids company until it was time, or to help bury the dead ones. He didn't want to do it though. 

"Did you ask them to come inside?"

"No..." 

"You ask them to come inside the RV and then take them away?"

Alex blinked back tears as he stared at the wall, hoping the detective couldn't see. He had...but it wasn't with any malicious intent, he was always going to bring them back. They were curious, and he wanted company. "No..." 

"Did you put those girls somewhere?"

"May I sit down-" He felt himself flinch away as the detective's hand brushed his face.

"Did you put those girls somewhere?"

"Please don't touch me" 

But he didn't move his hand from Alex, he didn't stop when the man kept flinching away further with a frightened gasp. The slap from earlier seemed to burn again as the detective's cold thumb brushed against him again. _Please stop. Please._

"I know you put those girls somewhere. Hey, I know you're a nice guy. I'm not trying to say you did anything wrong, we just want to know what happened. Where do you usually park the RV?" 

"At my Aunt's house. The grass don't grow back there anyway" 

"Your Aunt's house? Ok, is that where you live?" _So it wasn't her who called._

Alex nodded, "Is she coming?" 

The questioning lasted several more hours, but to Alex it felt like days. Detective Loki asked the same questions over and over, and Alex was having a hard time not breaking. Every time he was asked to look at the photos he felt a pit in his stomach grow deeper and deeper, reminded of what he helped do. Every time he was asked if he took them he bit the inside of his lip harder until it bled. By the end of it, he was exhausted and miserable, wanting to know why Holly hadn't come yet. Was she really that angry at him, or was he not allowed to see her while in custody? Then, piling onto the bad news, they told him he wasn't going home.

The cell they kept him in was cold and dark, just like the pit in their yard. All he did that night was sob, curled up on the hard bed feeling like a young boy again. He had a fear of the dark, and could only sleep if there was a lamp on. Darkness held horrid memories. Darkness was associated with pain and terror. He wanted his auntie. As much as she scared and hurt him, she was still the only family he had left. She could be nice sometimes, and all he wanted right now was to curl up in her arms with Tucker curled up in his lap. He just wanted to go home. Here he was a criminal, at least at home he was a person.

Eventually after an hour of crying a police officer came over and told him to stop, but that only made him cry harder into his pillow. Maybe he deserved it. After all, if he hadn't let them in then they would be at home and he wouldn't ne here. Perhaps this was the punishment he got for disobeying after all. The only comfort he had that night was the song the girls had been singing as they drove around the neighbourhood. He sung to himself quietly through sobs and sniffles, until he eventually fell asleep. 

_Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin layed an egg. The batmobile lost its wheel and Joker got away, hey! Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin layed an egg..._

Strangely enough, he noticed a change in the way Detective Loki treated him the next day. He was calmer, more polite and actually respected personal boundaries. Even the interrogation was nicer than the previous night, and although Alex never changed his story, he was grateful that someone saw him as a person here. Loki had put a band around his arm similar to a blood pressure machine and asked the questions one last time. Some questions were new, and Alex didn't really understand what they meant or how to answer. The interrogation only lasted a few hours, unlike last nights 8 hour interview, and he was taken back to the cell once it was over. 

Holly didn't show up that day either, but he was granted a phone call with her instead. She sounded calm, and Alex took that as proof she hadn't called the cops on him. They didn't mention the case, nor the fight they had the day he was arrested, and as usual Holly did most of the talking. She asked how he was, talked about what she did last night and mentioned a few of Alex's favourite subjects to try and comfort him. He suspected the police recorded the phone calls so she wouldn't say anything that might incriminate them anyway. It was just nice to hear her voice after everything that had happened. 

That night wasn't any better than the last, however Alex felt better knowing that he was going home in the morning. He sang to himself again until he fell asleep, and woke back up when Loki opened the door. 

"Jones, your aunt's here. You can go"

He didn't notice that Loki didn't seem all too thrilled about his release.

After hugging his aunt and going to the desk to write his name on the sheet in his way too large handwriting, Alex was able to glance up at the detective and saw a smile there. He didn't return it. The desk man gave him his items back, and they walked towards the door where a small crowd of people with cameras lurked. Coming out of the police station, Alex tried to focus on anything but the reporters swarming him, as Holly guided him across the car park to their car. It was going mostly ok, until someone grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him between the cars. 

"Tell me what you did with them! Tell me! " The man screamed in his face holding him by the jacket, as Alex gripped onto his arm for support. Was this Anna's dad? 

Wanting to reassure the man that he hadn't hurt his daughter, Alex ended up mumbling out something he knew he shouldn't have said as soon as it left his mouth, "They didn't cry until I left them"

The girls enjoyed their time with him, he hadn't harmed them at all. It was only when Holly made him leave them that they had cried. It hurt him that they all believed he was a monster who hurt children, when he was still just a child himself. Even though he looked in the mirror and clearly saw an adult man, Alex had never mentally aged past 10. He didn't know how to be a grown up, because he never got the chance to develop like the other kids. 

"What did you say? What did you say?" Keller screamed. The fury in his eyes terrified Alex, and in that moment all he could see was his uncle towering over him. Police pulled Keller away from Alex, who fell against the floor with a squeak, and Holly rushed over to help him up and lead him towards the car. His newly grazed hands burnt against the cold air as they hurried towards the car to get away from the reporters. When they made it in, Alex put his seatbelt on and leant against the door sulking.

"I'm sorry" 

"I know you are hun" Holly sighed, but there was something in her voice that made it seem like she knew he had said something to Keller. "Lets go home, you've been in those clothes for two days you need a bath. Are you hungry?"

"Yes..." He mumbled and pressed his forehead harder against the glass beside him, and they started to drive away from the police station. "I'm sorry" He repeated quieter, but he got no reply. 

Neither of them spoke as they drove home, though the silence wasn't as uncomfortable as he had expected. Apparently Holly was just glad he was home and they hadn't managed to connect him to the crime, so their fight was ignored. They walked in, and Alex immediately dropped to the floor beside Tucker and buried his face in his fur despite the damp smell, and instantly felt himself relax. His dog barked and leant over to kiss him. 

"I'll make us some lunch. I'll run you a bath afterwards" Holly said from somewhere nearby, but he didn't move from his spot. Anxiety was long gone as he realised if she was mad at him, she would've done something already. 

They soon sat down for lunch, and ate in silence as usual. Alex couldn't help but eat his sandwich quickly, as he was just really hungry. They did feed him while he was in custody, but there wasn't that much and it didn't taste that nice. About half way through, Holly finally spoke.

"I hope this has taught you not to go running off, and to listen to me when I tell you to do something"

"Yes auntie...I'm sorry" 

It was barely after they had finished lunch that there was a knock at the door, and Holly walked over to it after sparing him a glance. Alex gripped his mug tight in his hands, and prayed it wasn't the police again. 

"Can I help you, detective?"

"Sorry to bother you so soon, Mrs Jones. But I'd like to speak to Alex about something"

Alex didn't look up, but he felt her eyes on him. They knew what this was about. 

"He's just got home"

"It'll only take a few minutes"

Holly sighed and stepped aside for him to come in, and Alex stayed where he was just gripping the mug. The hot ceramic gently burnt his hands, but he he didn't care. It helped him stay calm. "Alex, come sit over here sweetie" 

Begrudgingly, he let go of the mug and leant down to pick Tucker up, before walking over to the couch and sat beside his aunt. Loki smiled at him, and Holly out her hand on his thigh. Both gestures were meant to be reassuring, but it didn't feel that way to him. 

"Is that your dog? What's his name?"

"...Tucker..."

Loki offered another smile as he nodded, and leant forwards, "Did you say anything to Mr Dover in the parking lot?"

When he didn't respond, Holly jumped in instead "He didn't say anything, I was right there. The man just attacked him" 

"Nothing like stop or get away...?" 

He shook his head slowly and glanced at his aunt.

"Can I speak to Alex alone please?" 

There was another gentle pat against his leg, before Holly stood up and Tucker jumped off the couch, "I'll be in the other room, sweetie" 

He watched her leave, partially wanting her to come back, before shifting uncomfortably and glanced back at the detective. At least Loki was still being nice. 

"You love your aunt, don't you Alex?"

"...yes..."

"You know, if you know something you're not telling us she can go t prison for a very long time. Do you want that, after everything she's done for you?"

_If only you knew._

"...no..."

Detective Loki left the house shortly after, and Holly went to run him a bath without saying much about the interview much to his surprise. Keller had told the police what he had said but it didn't seem like anyone believed him. Still, he had endangered his aunt and drew more attention onto himself than he had wanted, so he had expected a bigger response. After the bath, he got changed and they had dinner, before he decided to take Tucker for a walk to clear his mind. The little dog bounced around with excitement when he picked up the lead, and with a quick call to his aunt he left the house. 

"Come on boy" He said softly, shutting the door behind him and walking down the path towards the road. At the end of the path he paused and looked both ways for cars, then looked down at his dog. A strange, morbid curiousity suddenly crossed his mind, and Alex lifted Tucker up by the lead. The dog squealed and whimpered as it hung, and Alex frowned to himself as he watched it writhe in pain and horror. How could anyone enjoy hurting helpless creatures like dogs or children? He didn't understand why his Aunt liked hurting kids, or even him. 

He dropped the dog back onto the path and bit his lip, "Come on...come on Tucker" Alex mumbled as he walked across the road, an began to sing the carol once again unaware of the man watching him from the car. Evening walks helped clear his mind, which was all he needed right now. Nothing else had really helped as it usually did. Of course, this was short lived when he suddenly heard footsteps from behind, and someone call his name. 

"Alex" 

"Lost...it's....wheel..." His singing faded out as he slowly turned back behind him, and came face to face with the barrel of a gun. His heart stopped in terror as he stared at it, then glanced at the man who he recognised from the police station. Anna's dad. 

"That song. Where did you hear those words? Hm?" 

Alex didn't reply, but briefly glanced towards his house which was only across the road. Would he make it, or would he be shot? Keller growled, pressing the gun against him. Tucker cowered behind his legs, and Alex did what he usually did in the face of confrontation. He shut down. 

"Where are the girls? Where is my daughter?" 

Once again, Alex glanced back towards the house. They were in the pit. They were right there, but he couldn't tell him. If he did, what would happen to him? Would Holly pin it on him to save herself, or would she end up in jail leaving Alex to fend for himself? Or would she just kill him.

"Tell me where they are!" 

When he didn't get a reply, Keller grabbed Alex's arm and dragged him back towards the car as the man struggled against the grip panicking, the lead slipping out of his hands. He was shoved into the front of the car, and when he fumbled with the handle he found the door was locked. Keller got in the other side and pointed the gun at him again, before staring the car and driving off. There was no way out of this situation, and nothing to do except wait. His leg bounced nervously as he stared out the window, nausea filling his chest as he wondered where they were going. Where was he taking him, and why? 

The ride took a long time, and it only grew darker with each passing second. It wouldn't be long before Holly noticed he was missing, and would get people to find him. At least he hoped she would. 

Eventually, the car pulled in beside a large, run down house or small apartment complex, and they parked. Keller got out slamming the door behind him, and walked around to Alex's side. "Get out" 

His arm was violently grabbed, and Alex was dragged out of the car as he fell onto the wet mud beneath him. His vision immediately blurred as he felt his glasses slip off his face, but Keller didn't let him pick them back up as he forced him onto his feet. The darkness of the night combined with his poor eyesight left him helpless to navigate the area, as he could only see the blurred outlines of objects near him. His heart pounded in his ears as he tried to make out what was going on. He was lead towards the house and forced inside, before they headed up a flight of stairs with much difficulty as Alex stumbled several times. All he could do was follow the man and listen out for any noises that might help him. He heard keys jingling as another door was unlocked, and he was lead down several corridors until they made it to a small room. Through the blurs, Alex could make out a white titled floor, a sink and a bath as he was lead towards the corner and shoved onto his knees. 

Keller tied his hands to the radiator with more aggression than needed, which only made Alex cower away as best he could. The rope burned against his skin as he tried to pull them away, but the knot was too tight. The man grabbed some duct tape, ripped a piece off and approached him again. He pushed himself as far back as he could to get away from him, but Keller grabbed him by the hair to keep him still and slapped the duct tape over his mouth. "Keep your mouth shut" He growled, before walking out the door and slammed it behind him. Tears began to form as he heard the door lock, and an all too familiar overwhelming sense of dread washed over him. 

This has happened before. He had been tied to a radiator more times than he could remember, and left in a dark room for hours at a time. It's why Holly kept handcuffs in the top drawer in the kitchen. It was far worse this time. He had no idea where he was, he couldn't see properly without his glasses, and he had no idea what Keller was planning to do to him. He was a prisoner once again, and who knew if he would make it out this time. 


End file.
